were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
