Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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