she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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