its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
