Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
