On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
