someone owes me an orgasm
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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