You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
