you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
