She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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