You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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