i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
