a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
