I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
