Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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