she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
