How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
