Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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