I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
