One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
not ubering you a puppy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
