You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
