pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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