i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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