worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
