I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
