I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
