So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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