the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
