i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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