the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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