weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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