Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The police scanner is talking about you again....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
