You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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