Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize