..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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