Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
