At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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