And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
