This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
