not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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