What did we do last night that was yellow?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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