I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
