you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize