I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
