I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
