Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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