god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
