So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
