Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
