i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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