if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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