Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
