You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
