she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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