if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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