Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
