um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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