You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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