the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
