Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
