went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
