I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
