Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
