What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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