Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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