I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
