left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
