I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
