apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Two words: blizzard sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
