I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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