i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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