I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
honey bunches of taint.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
